Guys. Did NOT go well. Now she’s acting all, “we were never in a relationship” and “why would i ever date you, ew” and “Gross, dude, seriously, we are not in love so stop saying that”. And I’m all “we ARE in love and your clinginess is starting to freak me out! I can’t be in another co dependant realtionship! And PS! We have a DOG to raise together” and she’s all. “You are seriously the stupidest man on the planet. like you have nothing in your head.” I feel like she was trying to hurt me with the last remark, but last time I checked, my head IS full of something. A heart. Which is now broken. 💔
A photo posted by Derek Zoolander (@zoolander) on
Guys. Over the course of my 3 hour relationship with Cara Delevingne i learned a lot about myself. I learned a relationship is like a beautiful bird. If there is love, it can take flight. But if the bird is caged, it begins to feel trapped, like as if it was in a cage. but then if someone is calling that bird “more washed up than a russians blue jeans” or “dumber than brie”, then the bird gets it’s feelings super hurt. But then if the bird tries to get one last french kiss goodbye, and the girl punches him right in the beak and then hits the bird with his selfie stick (which you can pay me for ANYTIME), then thats lame to do to the bird. THEN! THEN! She gets the bird in a half nelson and threatens to get a restraining odor, that’s super lame. Then she nearly broke the birds ARM! Which REALLY-REALLY HURT CARA!!!! Like you could have broken the birds WING! Anyway… I WILL triumph in all of this. Our relationship ended as it began. With all love, respect and now a deep mistrust for cara delvigne. Whoever that is. Call me when you get a modeling career. I could have HELPED YOU. You were too old for me anyways. Now I know everyone has my back, and the last thing I want is a flame war on my insta. I dont need the negativity. Like I said, it’s all love. But if you wanted to go hate on HER insta and leave comments on what a HUGE mistake she just made, and tell her I’m totally happy and never think about her all the time and am probably out boning liek a million models already here in Paris. Please feel free to do that. #Namaste. Switching my Raya location to #ROME tomorrow. See you soon @penelopecruzoficial 😘.